Zero = Perfection

Back then, I always thought that One plus One is One in relationship. Two become one said the not-so-spicy anymore girls from UK. One of a kind personality met another one of a kind personality. Tumbling, free-wheeling in an endless diamond sky then hopefully in a hundred years or so they will complete each other, and live happily ever after in the name of fondness, physical attraction and tonnes of mutual crush.

They said that you have to find the one. The one that done a lot of bad things, mannerless stuff and sumhow you still love them, even more. They said you have to be the one. The one that dare to showed up before shower, no make up, and got accepted and be loved for who you are.

I just went out of a relationship, been trying to be the one and fit my own idea of “the one” with my partner. at the end, it doesn’t really works. actually, didn’t work at all.

The more i try to get close, the road became longer and i realised how i’ve been walking down the road alone this whole time. I was there, and he was nowhere near. He left me part dead and incomplete during the time. When i decided to take another turn, when we decided to stop, i was gasped. Nothing i can hold on to.

It strucked me, how i’ve been relying all of me to his existence. Existence that was none. i hold on to nothing but my own idea of happiness. It’s bad for my self esteem.

Years ago i watched a movie by Kim Ki Duk, Korean Director, “3-Iron (2004)”. In Korean it’s read as Bin-jip means Empty Houses.

The whole idea of the story is relationship between a loner man, who loves to break into empty houses. at one house, he presume to be empty a battered housewife. The movie is notable for the lack of dialogue between two characters. He witnessed how she is abused by her husband. He took her away and their silent relationship began along with their travel from one house to another.

At the end of the movie, both of them stepped into a scale. the number showed “0″. as they’re completed each other. balanced.

the idea of 1+1 suddenly ripped out of my head. Cos i thought it was “1″, it turns out to be right, and look who’s been left 1?

nobody wants to be alone

…i know.

But i feel like, i need to give myself some time alone, space from everybody else, so i have the chance to get to know me and what i really wanted.

I’m Looking….

….for LOVE

Real Love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other-love 

Carrie Bradshaw

Pijet Ulang Tahun

Orang Cina punya tradisi menghidangkan Mie Goreng Ulang Tahun pada setiap perayaan ulang tahun. Mie Goreng Ulang Tahun adalah Mie telur yang ditumis bersama beberapa macam sayuran dan telur puyuh yang digoreng terlebih dahulu sehingga berwarna keemasan cantik. Ada tradisi lain yaitu orang yang berulang tahun diharuskan makan misoa dan telur merah. Misoa terbuat dari tepung beras, dipilin dan ditarik-tarik hingga pecah berhelai-helai seperti rambut putih. Karena itu, Misoa melambangkan umur panjang dan telur rebus yang diberi pewarna merah adalah lambang kemakmuran. Kenapa telur? karena bagi orang Cina yang terkenal bersahaja, telur adalah makanan istimewa hampir setingkat daging.

 

Misoa dianggap lebih bergengsi daripada mie goreng ulang tahun, mungkin karena filosofinya. Mungkin juga karena teksturnya yang lebih lembut, lebih bersahabat bagi orang tua dan anak kecil.

 

Anak-anak suku Masai, Afrika lain lagi. Mereka yang berulang tahun ketiga belas diharuskan keluar rumah dan belajar menjadi prajurit perang. Wajah merekapun diberi ”coretan” warna putih yang melambangkan kedewasaan. Bisa dikatakan, ulang tahun tidak dirayakan dengan pesta di Afrika melainkan upacara adat. Wah, kalau anak-anak pada umumnya membayangkan kado apa yang akan mereka dapat di hari Ulang tahun, gue rasa anak-anak di Afrika malah membayangkan seperti apa kehidupan mereka akan berubah setelah ulang tahun.

 

Gue pernah baca suatu artikel, maaf lupa koran atau majalah apa. Bahwa, di Denmark ada tradisi untuk orang yang masih melajang di usia ke 30, maka mereka akan diberi hadiah tempat merica dan selanjutnya disebut sebagai ”Pepperman” dan ”Peppermaid”

Kurang jelas juga gue, maksud dan tujuannya apa hehehhee…..

 

Tanggal 20 Oktober 2008 yang lalu, gue resmi melewati usia keramat 25 tahun. Sekarang gue 26 tahun. Agak kaget sebenernya, setahun kemarin gue merasa masih bisa bersembunyi dibalik predikat young adult. Tahun ini seolah, gue officially an adult. Gue tahu, gue tahu, dari kemaren-kemaren juga udah adult heheheheh.

Tahun ini lebih gencar lagi seluruh khalayak ramai menanyakan kapan gue akan berumah tangga. Pertanyaan klasik yang kadang diucapkan hanya sebagai basa-basi namun menusuk hati yang ditanya. Kalau gue pikir-pikir lagi, bentuk pertanyaan itu mengalami metamorfosa yang sebenernya semakin tahun semakin tajam bagai sembilu.

 

Ketika ulang tahun gue ke 24:

Tanya : ”Wah…wah… udah cocok untuk berumah tangga nih. Udah ada  calonnya  belum?”

Jawab : ”Yaa….temen deket sih udah ada.” sambil malu-malu mupeng.

 

 

Ketika ulang tahun gue ke 25:

Tanya : ”Kapan menikah?”

Jawab : ”Insya Allah, ya didoain aja.” Mulai geleh dan kata-kata ini diulang sedemikian sering sepanjang tahun, terutama di acara pernikahan teman dan kerabat.

 

Ulang tahun ke 26 kemarin:

Tanya : ”Loh, belum menikah? Kok belum menikah sih?”

Jawab : ”Menurut lo?”

 

Yah, gue tahu orang-orang yang bertanya itu sayang sama gue. Mereka hanya mendoakan kebahagiaan gue. Di budaya timur, ketika seorang wanita mencapai usia dua puluhan maka dia dianggap sudah siap berumah tangga. Terlambat sedikit, seluruh dunia pun panik…. apapun alasan penundaan itu. Kepanikan ini kalau ditanggapi dengan sentimental bikin gue sedih namun kalau gue lagi ehm…bijak, jadi lucu. Perwujudan kepanikan massa ini adalah mencecar gue apakah gue punya trauma karena masalah pernikahan orang tua gue, usaha yang sangat aktif untuk mengajak gue terlibat dalam acara pernikahan dan kelahiran, Kebaikan semua orang dalam mempertemukan gue dengan beberapa laki-laki. Gue gak akan menyebut ini perjodohan, karena gue gak merasa dipaksa dan gak akan mau dipaksa. Mungkin lebih enak disebut memperkenalkan. Selama ini, semua baik-baik aja. Meski tidak berlanjut ke arah cinta-cintaan namun cukup untuk menambah teman dan saudara.

 

Untuk menghentikan pertanyaan dan perjodohan ini adalah tidak mungkin, sampai pada akhirnya gue menikah. Gue punya pacar yang selalu gue ajak ke acara keluarga, namun keluarga gue pada bilang ”Kelamaaan”. Perkataan yang tidak mungkin gue jawab dengan ”Aku mau menikah karena aku mau menikah, dengan orang yang mau aku nikahi. Bukan karena aku harus menikah.” kalimat yang dengan gayanya selalu gue ulang-ulang kepada para penanya yang bukan saudara. Bisa-bisa dibikinin Rukhiyat-an buat mengusir roh jahat dalam diri gue.

 

Sejak beberapa waktu lalu, gue udah memikirkan apa yang mau gue lakuin di ulang tahun gue kali ini. Harus sesuatu yang unik dan belum pernah gue lakuin.

Beberapa hari sebelum ulang tahun, gue berangkat ke Bali untuk ikut Ubud Writers and Readers Festival. Seneng-seneng, makan-makan, nulis-nulis dan kaki gue pun keseleo. Setiap malem selama disana harus diboreh balsem otot dan pake koyo, lupakan CK Summer, this gramps couldn’t handle her sore knee.

 

Tanggal 20 Oktober, gue udah di Jakarta lagi. Beruntung gue cuti. Akhirnya, gue merayakan ulang tahun dengan urut keseleo di Daerah Cipete. Setelah nyasar-nyasar yang sepertinya tidak mungkin tidak terjadi, sampailah di sebuah rumah yang cukup ramai. Bentuk sederhana dari klinik tersebut sudah lumayan terorganisir. Ketika datang, gue harus ambil nomor antrian, trus menunggu sambil prangas pringis ngeliat orang-orang teriak kesakitan ketika dipijit. Saat itu, gue benar-benar berharap 61 adalah nomor keberuntungan gue. Seperti angka 3 yang melambangkan kekayaan bagi orang Cina, atau angka 8 yang berarti kemakmuran. Sambil komat-kamit memohon kepada Tuhan agar sekali ini gue tahan sakit, gue menimang-nimang kertas bertuliskan angka itu.

6 dan 1, enam tambah satu kan tujuh ya. Nah, itu angka keberuntungan gue. Or so….

Akhirnya giliran gue pun tiba, dengan berdebar-debar gue menghampiri Bapak setengah baya yang berwajah baik itu. Dia langsung menemukan permasalahannya. Di pergelangan kaki kanan dan Lutut kiri. Dia bilang inilah akibatnya kalau keseleo tapi masih dibawa jalan-jalan. Memang sih, tadinya kaki gue gak sesakit ini, setelah lima hari di Bali, sakitnya tambah parah. Ketika dipijit, aduh…gue gak usah ceritain deh. Intinya gue sampe keringat dingin dan zikir lebih banyak dari yang gue lakuin setahun ini. Sangat berdosa (baca keras dengan suara Spongebob).

 

Durasi pijitnya cuma sebentar, paling 15-20 menit. Untunglah, lebih dari itu, gue bisa pingsan.

 

Setelahnya pegelangan kaki kanan gue dibalut dengan kassa yang dilumuri minyak ramuan sendiri. Lalu dikasih secarik kertas berisi pantangan makan. Pembayaran urut disini sukarela aja.

 

Sambil jalan keluar gue baca pantangan makannya.

Udang, Ayam, Ikan Tongkol, Ikan Bandeng, Alkohol, Pisang, Durian, Nanas, Nangka, Es dan Mie Instan

Dan terbayanglah dimata gue, makan malam di seafood Jimbaran, wine tasting di Casa Luna dan nyaris setiap hari makan nasi campur Bali, dimana setiap malam setelahnya gue terkaing-kaing kesakitan.

 

Oh well, so now i know.

 

Kalau dalam setiap ulang tahun ada pelajaran yang gue dapet, maka tahun ini adalah:

Mungkin gue gak sejagoan yang gue kira, mungkin angka memang berarti sesuatu.

Tapi sesuatu itu yang jelas bukan Peppermaid. Gue yakin, gue lebih keren daripada botol merica.

 

 

Alamat Tukang Urut Patah Tulang

H. Naim Jl. MPR III Dalam No. 24

Cilandak Barat – Jakarta Selatan

Tutup setiap hari Jum’at.

 

 

Happy Eid Mubarak

for all of you.

maaf atas segala kesalahan dan semoga semua bisa dimulaikembali dengan hati yang ikhlas.

 

cerita lebaran kemaren.

well, nuthin special actually. back to Bekasi, where things so silence and still.

hanging out with family, entertained my grandma altho since she has dementia she oftenly asking my name in the middle of conversation. so sad, wondering how would i be on my 80s? surely i wanna be around to see my children and grandchildren grow up but will it possible not to forget them?

Lebaran in Jakarta felt like another holiday… no traffic jam for sure, which is the only good thing about having the festive here.

well… so on Tuesday afternoon i packed my bag, kissed my cats goodbye ( ) locked my flat, and take cab back home. You know, altho the traffic is very good, the taxi fare cost me almost the same, blah… blame the distance.

the moment i get there, after chit here chat there…i almost died in bored face. i finished reading “Behaving Badly” and got nothing more to do. all the preparation is done for Eid. then i wandering around the house and decide to buy Yoghurts as an excuse to go out.

At the Alfamart nearby i found VCD “Radit ♥ Jani” been wanting to see this movie, another labour of love of Upi Avianto & Vino G Bastian.

went back home, and watched “21″ the movie is interesting, althou i think “Good Will Hunting” is more thrilling. i can’t really catch the genious actions of Jim Sturgess when he cheated on Black Jack table. He looks preppie and nerdie, yes. But, i need more actions on the table. overall the movie is good and entertaining. and, i love Jim Sturgess, he’s hot.

after the movie, i cannot sleep on my own room, weird.

i turned off the light, and watched the fireworks from neighbours backyard flying high in night sky thru my window… beautiful.

as always… things so silence and still in this house.

The Eid morning is quite fun, bermaaf-maafan dan ngobrol2 sma seluruh keluarga, secara langsung juga telefon jarak jauh dan email-emailan.

on the afternoon, me and my sis went to Metropolitan Mall to buy groceries for home. i don’t understand how everyone can live with only green sands and vegetable in fridge. i bought fresh salted fish, more vegetables, snacks and snacks and snacks. i don’t want waste my gym membership fee for all those Eid food in coconut milk. No Way.

The second day, i went to my Datuk’s house. it’s my father side of family. Wow, almost everyone that live in Jakarta was there, i even got a chance to meet cousins i never seen in years. among them, i look so chinese, my father is Indian, all of the family married also indian. They have big eyes, tanned skin color, and full figure. sumhow, i got 2/3 of my mother. but everyone there said i looked like my father a lot. yeah, everyone in my mom’s family said, i look more like my mom day by day. whatever.

after that, me and my sis escape to mall again huheuehue. we tried Bekasi Cyber Park since my childhood friend make fun of me about it. I didn’t understand when he said BCP..BCP, he said it only shows how rare i went home. well…yeah…

BCP, is dissapointing… didn’t found anything interesting there, and i do not want to east another fast food. so, we go back to Met Mall.

O my God, in Met Mall was very crowded. tried to wandering around but i almost got panic attack for having so much people around. No Air bo hihihihi

finally, my sis dragged me to 21, may be we can find interesting movie, she said. well, i doubt about that, but i dun’t have another options.

She picked “Chika” since i already saw Laskar Pelangi the week before, and “Suami-Suami Takut Istri” is abviously not an option!

The movie is okay….well, nothing new, another teenage candy movie from Soraya Intercine Films. The cast is not special, the storyline is so-so, and Soraya Intercine Films still sold “living Indonesian Dreams” things in this movie. you know, big fancy houses, fancy cars, pretty girls meet handsome boys, the world where girls made of cotton candy, chocolate and all the sweet things.

oyea, before the movie start, i got a chance to go to AH and ordered “Mini Double Chocolate” i really missed this cake.

well, after my tongue contaminated with Bakerz-In, Gelato Bar, to be honest AH’s DOuble Chocolate doesn’t taste so good anymore but it brings back old memories. The restaurant is very crowded, feel uneasy, after finishing our cake, i dragged my sis to Gramedia.

Accidentally, passed the buckets where old vcd was on sale. i flipped them back and forth with no effort and guess what i found? “THE ELEPHANT” i screamed instantly. i’ve been looking for it everywhere! and i found it here? in a mall far-far away hidden in discounted shell? am i lucky or what?

after the movie, i remember i passed ”Eaton” on my way from Gramedia to 21. well, i must say, this is the first time i eat in Eaton where it doesn’t feel right at all.

The food is awful, the table smell weird and the service is so-so. we ordered Fish Pooridge, Fried Seafood Kwaytiow and Fried-oh-whatever that thing.

I remember Eaton in Taman Anggrek, not really a good comparison with this one. It’s like David and Goliath.

Good thing i have chance to stop by in BRead Talk, i need a re-bound. We went home and watch Radit and Jani in my room. Luckily i charged my laptop battery while we were out. The Movie is beyond my expectation, i hve this ugly cry at the end of the movie hehehehe.

Fahrani doesn’t act stunningly, but good enough, Vino Bastian well… he’s quite good. The storyline is amazing! i love how they used dirty words effortlessly. However, the dark punk situation they tried to visualized, to me is a bit “out-of-nowhere”.

Well, that’s all the folk.

XXY

Title : XXY (2007)

Director : Lucia Puenzo

Cast : Inez Efron, Ricardo Darin, Valeria Bertucelli,Martin Piroyanski

 

I already got this DVD since quite sumtimes, and only last week got to see it. This movie won 17 awards and got 11 nominations on several film festivals.

nah, last week, i saw two movies in a row, one of it is “XXY”.

Alex, is a 15 years old troubled girl living in a city by the sea in Uruguay. They live in the remote area to hide Alex. She have a “medical condition” which is embarassing for her parents. The movie subject is uncomfortable. tells story about people with multiple gender and how they cope with daily life. Alex, in this case raise as a girl, but closer to her adolescent day, she becomes more masculine.

Her parent invite family friend to stay over. This family friend consist of a surgeon Father, a delicate mother and a boy at Alex age. Alex’s parent intended to decide whether they will make Alex a girl or a boy permanently.

He’s a girl. She’s a boy.

Adolescence is a roller coaster ride, and for a hermaphrodite things could get even scarier.

I love this movie. Lucia Puenzo dare to take this subject and make it a beautiful learning for all of us. It reminds me of Sofia Coppola and her “Virgin Suicides”.

This movie is a well written, acted, directed and filmed drama.

The Time Traveller’s Wife

The Time Traveller’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger

 

 

 

 

This morning i opened my Friendster’s profile intended to edit my profile on Fave books section. I Wrote down my very own “Life Changing Books”, as soon as i put “The Time Traveller’s Wife” in it, i realised i haven’t write any review yet on this book, what a shame.

Here it goes.

The prologue is unforgetable, the momen i read those first pages i knew it was a great book.

CLARE: It’s hard being left behind. I wait for Henry, not knowing where he is, wondering if he’s okay. It’s hard to be the one who stays. I keep myself busy. Time goes faster that way.

I go to sleep alone, and wake up alone. I take walks. I work until I’m tired. I watch the wind play with the trash that’s been under the snow all winter. Everything seems simple until you think about it. Why is love intensified by absence?

 

Henry: All my pleasures are homey ones: armchair splendor, the sedate excitements of domesticity. All I ask for are humble delights. A mystery novel in bed, the smell of Clare’s long red-gold hair damp from washing, a postcard from a friend on vacation, cream dispersing into coffee, the softness of the skin under Clare’s breasts, the symmetry of grocery bags sitting on the kitchen counter waiting to be unpacked. I love meandering through the stacks at the library after the patrons have gone home, lightly touching the spines of the books. These are the things that can pierce me with longing when I am displaced from them by Time’s whim.

And Clare, always Clare. Clare in the morning, sleepy and crumple-faced. Clare with her arms plunging into the papermaking vat, pulling up the mold and shaking it so, and so, to meld the fibers. Clare reading, with her hair hanging over the back of the chair, massaging balm into her cracked red hands before bed. Clare’s low voice is in my ear often.

I hate to be where she is not, when she is not. And yet, I am always going, and she cannot follow.

This -partly romance, partly science fiction-novel is warm, witty, passionate, sensual, simply imagine yourself in a rollercoaster. A ride thru time and life that deeply moving. I have to fought tears several times, soppy i know. Altho the story jumped forward and backward you won’t get lost. It takes no effort for all it’s twisting timeline crossing. From time to time, Henry and Clare always found each other, try to live their life to the fullest at the moment while waiting for Henry to unavoidly jump to another timeline. An abnormal gene caused it.

This book shows you that Love, is not easy cos when it’s easy it’s just a forgetable fling.

 

aaaannndd…the Movie is coming! oo yea, i really wanna do the Chandler dance when i found out about it. Rachel McAdams will play Claire Abshire and Eric Bana as Henry de Tamble. I saw in IMDB that the movie will be released on Dec 25th 2008 in USA, hhh…just wondering when will it hit theatres in Indo.

Lolita

Title       : Lolita

Author   : Vladimir Nabokov

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Above is the cover of the first edition published by Olympia Press Paris in 1955. It’s been years i’ve been wanting to read this masterpiece, for it’s been titled as one of the three most influenting novel in 20th century and TIME 100 Best English-languange Novels from 1923-2005.

So last week was the time, and i must say, there’s a part of me changed after reading this book, the same feeling i had when i read “The History of Love” by Nicole Krauss.

The center of the story is Prof. Humbert whose obsessed to a 12 years old girl, Dolores Haze. His obsession with young girls is a result of his lost of his childhood sweetheart, Annabel Leigh whose died from Typhus. Annabel Leigh, i believe, is named after “Annabel Lee” a famous poem by Edgar Allan Poe which is happens to be one of my fav poem. that’s why i instantly recognized the similarity. Part of their young love seems to borrowed from the poem.

Humbert rent a room in Dolores house (later refer as, Lolita) to get close to his muse and later marry her mother to fulfil his wild fantasy to the teenager.

after Charlotte Haze died in an accident, Humbert takes Lolita moves from state to state and bribes her for his sexual needs. Lolita, alone and frightened has no choice but to accept HUmbert into her life on his terms.

We read the story from Humbert point of view, as if it is his personal journal. altho what happen in it is an obsession of a pedophile, you won’t find explicit description about the sexual activities.

HUmbert, who is supposedly disgusting sumhow i found his character as sad, loner, and in eternal pain which makes me love him for some reason. as always, i love a villain with a lot of side that writer share with reader. It makes bad person a human, and we found ourself in some of their minors. well, not the pedophile of course…..

Where can i find the Movie? please, really want to see it. desperately…. The novel was filmed twice, on 1962 and on 1997. Based on my browsing, the 1962 version is more to it. it Granted Sue Lyon Golden Globe Award (as Lolita)  as the Most Promising New Comer and Vladimir Nabokov nominated for Oscar on best screenplay adaptation.

The Wednesday Letters

Title      : The Wednesday Letters

Author  : Jason F. Wright

 

“The Wednesday Letters” is one of two my-last-week book. Yay! cheers for me, i’m back on track, reading two books in a week.

However, i must admit that i’m shallow by picking up this book from bookshelves in Gramedia Grand Indonesia, based on it’s oh-so-cute cover and a little noteable note that it was a New York Times Best Sellers. yea, i’m weak and easily believe New York Times picks.

The cover is very unique, shaped as an envelopes with replica of stamp on behind and on the last page there’s a white envelope contained pages of handwrited letters. I skipped reading it, saving the best for last.

“The Wednesday Letters” tells a story of three siblings, re-united on their parents funeral, trying to catch up and forgive each other. later they found thousands of Wednesday Letters their father wrote to their mom from their wedding day to the last day of their life. The letters reveal not only the warm and pure love but also a disastrous secret that may destroy the family bond. It’s a story about family value, love, forgiveness and honor. Jason F. Wright wanted to convince us that love and magic does exist.

As for me, the story is beautiful and entertaining but just not “wow” that i would include it to my very own “Unforgetable books” list. But definitely, it’s a must read book.

Gossip Girl

Last saturday, i spent the whole day in front of my laptop, plugged head phone to my ears, and watched all the episodes of “Gossip Girl” season one.

last time i watched it, i said the series is witty, smart and enchanting. this time, i can’t say anything but “Brilliant”

The movie tell the stories about the scandalous lives of Manhattan elites, where an anonymous web owner call herself as “Gossip Girl” claims as the one and only source of the latest news.

Gossip Girl remain anonymous till the end of the series,it used Kristen Bell’s voice and narrated the whole story in the most bubbly, smart and exciting metaphors, i’ve ever read and see.

It’s Serena Van Der Woodsen, the favorite it-girl that back into town after mysteriuosly dissapear for Boarding school last year, her best friend the angelic-face backstabber Bff Blair Waldorf embrace her not-so-genuinely Blair is the daughter of The famous designer Eleanor Waldorf, the privileged girl aren’t really happy since her father left his family for a male model. Dan Humphrey, been dreaming to date Serena for the most of his adolescent life. but he just the average former rock star son who lives in Brooklyn. Dan’s lil sister, Jenny, a social climber that do anything to be accepted to the inner circle.

Nate Archibald, been encouraged by his parent to take a good care of his relationship with Blair, in order to keep the two families together and Parents could happily wins business deals. Nate, loves Blair since they were kids. but, he never really get over Serena.

Chuck Bass, the most interesting charaters in the series, i did say that i always fall for villain? well, it’s include heartless bad boy in every series. His father is a real estate mogul.  His privileged life is so perfect that he could put anything on stake and managed to keep his cold blooded smile. he’s Chuck Bass.

The characters live their crossing lives and have to get thru drama, conflicts, tears and blood.

One thing, if you are a social climber thinking that being a socialite is just about designer dress and being the cover of magazine, keep your eyes wide open when you watch this series. Be the witness that the trust fund babies, work hard to stay on top no matter what the price is, they study like crazy to get in Ivy League, they migle around great people to stay connected and managed to keep smiling and nice after the battle.

I don’t mind to watch it all over again….

You know you’ll love it,

XoXo,

Gossip Girl